Dead Men
by o Ventus
Summary: *I am aware Sanctuary in-game is occupied with Reaper forces instead of Cerberus. The change in my story was intentional.*    Chapters 1-4 are up and running, working on the rest. Feedback is greatly appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Elysium, 2190.

I was still alive, which meant I hadn't succumbed to alcohol poisoning yet. Whether that's a good or a bad thing... I'll let you decide. Maybe Lazarus wasn't such a great idea, with all those cybernetic enhancements. No matter how much I try, I just can't seem to kill my liver with tequila and ryncol. The hangover had passed, so there was one thing going right in my life. How many bottles do I have left? Screw it, it doesn't matter. I tell ya, I've been through more in the past 7 years than most people go through in their entire lives. Ah hell, here comes that little quarian brat, Leza'Tael. Good kid with a bright future, but man, she asks a lot of questions. Incidentally, she's the only person I come into regular contact with. What does she want this time...

"Hey, mister S! Hey! Mister S! Wake up!"

Rubbing my temples and groaning, I slowly get over my alcohol induced slumber. "What do you want, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Busy? You're not doing anything. It looked like you were just lying down."

"Yeah... that's the whole point." I don't think she took the hint, since she stuck around.

"It's tuesday, mister S. You know what that means?"

Groggily, I reply, "Time for another hangover?"

"Hah, but no. It's my day off! Tell me a story I haven't heard yet, mister S!"

What the hell was it with her and wanting to listen to stories? Doesn't she ever bother someone else with this? I mean, maybe it was with my saving the galaxy 3 times in less than a decade, but goddamn, go pester someone else.

Slightly more awake now, I reply, "You want another one? I guess I can. I don't have any plans anyway."

"Actually, mister S... why are you so grumpy all the time? I mean, you've told me how you stopped that madman Saren, and how you took down the Collectors, you even told me how you stopped the Reapers from harvesting everyone! I mean, anyone else I know would be ecstatic from being so famous! But... you seem to hate it. You shoo away everyone who approaches you, you're excessively rude to just about everyone. What's the deal? Did someone kill your woman or something?"


	2. Chapter 2

That struck a chord within me. The first emotion I'd felt in years, and of course, it had to be anger, of all things. Part of me was tempted to break her face mask, it wouldn't be the pettiest thing I've done. I bit back the temptation and spoke back to her.

"No, that isn't why I'm so pissed off at everyone. Do you REALLY want to know? I mean, it ain't exactly PG material."

"Come on mister S, I'm not a child anymore, I'm 15 years old! I'm going to go on my pilgrimage in a few years!"

With a deep sigh, I feel a sudden hollowness in my stomach. Maybe it's the liquor, or maybe it's the memories. It was a sickening feeling. I began to tell her why I'm such a grumpy prick.

"Well, back when you asked me if someone had killed my woman? Well... that isn't the case. She _is_ dead, and she _was_ killed by someone, but not how you think. She wasn't killed in battle, and she didn't die a hero's death. Now that I look back on it, I could have done something about it. I SHOULD have done something about it. It's my fault she's dead, and it's because of her I even managed to stop the Reapers."

Leza had a look of pity on her face, at least, I think she did. It's hard to gauge a quarian's emotions through that damn mask.

Suddenly, my memory flashes in front of my eyes. I guess this is what Thane meant when he told me how drell have perfect memories.

Sanctuary. That was the name of the place. That was the name of the Cerberus base where I... where Miranda was killed. It's funny, how the worst kinds of memories are the ones that come back to you the most. I had brought 2 of my closest friends and 2 of the most dangerous people I knew with me. Garrus Vakarian, turian, and Liara T'Soni, asari. Garrus had been a vigilante for a couple of years, running his own merc squad on Omega, and Liara was the new Shadow Broker. How hard could this really be?

As the 3 of us step off the shuttle, I hear Garrus talking to Liara. I don't remember what they were saying. Garrus turned to me and said, "Shepard, are you ready for this? We're about to hit Cerberus right in their gut."

"Yeah, yeah, Garrus. I'm good." My mind was racing. How was this going to go? Was Miranda alright? God, I should have warned her about Leng. That crazy son of a bitch was like a ninja on 'roids. Miranda had decided to go on ahead, and we'd meet up outside her father's office. I check my gear. Mattock heavy rifle, Phalanx pistol, and an Arc Caster, just in case we see more ATLAS'. Garrus has his Incisor sniper rifle and a Mattock, and Liara had her Tempest submachine gun and a Carnifex.

Liara turns to me, "Shepard, you said Miranda would be here, yes? I can't wait to formally meet her. Last time I was on the Normandy, she was so cold and isolated. She would never speak to me. Now that Cerberus is openly against us, we may be able to see past our differences."

That brightened my mood, for whatever reason. Maybe it was the mention of her name. "Hah, you'll get that chance, Liara. Now, let's go give our friend a visit."

For whatever reason, there was less security than I had imagined. For being Cerberus' largest base, it was astonishingly empty. Not a single troop, scientist, nothing. We begin our walk. It seemed like forever until we saw some action. A small squad of assault troopers, five strong. Liara sent out a singularity, while I sent a warp their way. Their armor crumpled like paper, and their skin tore like tissue, and blood stained the ground like a macabre painting.

Silently, we continued. "Wait Shepard, I see a handful up ahead. Let me take position here, and on my signal, hit them with a flashbang. I'll make the first shot.", said Garrus. He set up, collapsing the bipod on his rifle. Liara equips her Carnifex, and the two of us slowly and silently make our way up to the troops. Garrus signals, and I unhook a flash, pull the pin, and toss it forward. It went off with a loud BANG! and the magnesium inside blinded the assault troopers. Suddenly, I hear the ever-so-faint "ping-ping-ping" of the Incisor, noting its 3-round burst mode of fire. The first trooper's head exploded like a watermelon, and Liara and I moved in. Mattock in hand, I drop 2 troopers, with Liara trapping the last in stasis. The stasis wearing off, the trooper collapses. I stomp his neck, and with a sickening crack, and he was dead.

Making our way ever further, we eventually run into some Centurions and combat engineers. A bit tougher than your rank and file assault troopers. As the engineer began setting up his gun turret, I planted a bullet right between his eyes with my Mattock, and as he fell, I saw the gaping hole in his head. Blood spurted onto his partner, another engineer, and he tried to run. Liara pulled him backwards with her biotics, and as he tried to shake it off, I step behind him, combat knife in hand. I thrust the blade deep into his throat, with my other hand over his mouth so as to muffle any screams. The hot liquid drenched my hand, and it felt great. I guess it's fitting that I was wearing a death mask at the time.

Once more, we make our way to the heart of the establishment. We can see the main building up ahead, but this must be where the army is massing, since the courtyard was flooded with troops, supplemented with a handful of ATLAS. Good thing I had that Arc Projector.

"Garrus, take position on the rooftop of that building we just passed through and provide cover fire. Liara and I will get in closer and eliminate those 2 ATLAS in the corner here. After they are done, they're going to be at full attention. I need you to hit them with a flashbang. One more thing... be careful. After you make your first shot, they'll know your position and likely come for you. I suggest you block the door. Keep on comm so we can help you if you need it." Garrus nodded in understanding.

"Liara, after Garrus uses his flashbang, I need you to create a singularity in the center of the courtyard. There seems to be the biggest concentration of troops massed there. After you hit them, I'll send a warp their way. Understood?" Liara nodded as well.

Our plan went through flawlessly, much to my surprise, and we made it through without so much as a scratch. It must be my day.


	3. Chapter 3

As I walk towards the main door, I signal Garrus down from the roof. "Alright. It's been surprisingly easy so far. That doesn't mean it will be the same inside. Expect resistance. No telling what may be inside."

I force the door open, expecting to be met with gunfire, but there was none. It was hard to see, as the only source of light was 1 dying light bulb at the opposite end of the room. I made a visual sweep of the place. Nothing at first. I double check, making sure I didn't miss anything, and this time I caught something. What I saw almost killed me. It was Miranda. She was in bad shape. Her clothes were torn and tattered, and she was riddled with bruises. Thankfully, she was still alive and conscious, but silent. She was very clearly in pain, likely tortured.

I threw my rifle to the side and ran over to her. She meant everything to me. We had been through damn near everything together. We've been through hell itself and lived to tell of it. Yet here she was, broken and dying. I knelt down next to her, tore off my helmet, and took her in my arms. I was breathing heavy, partially from the fight, but mostly from the shock of seeing Miranda in this state. The smartest woman I've ever met, with one of the strongest wills, reduced to... this.

I tried speaking to her, "Miranda... I... what happened here?" She was silent. "Miranda? Miranda... it's me, Shepard." Again, I was met with silence. Whatever Cerberus did to her... it broke her, both physically and mentally. She was still alive, but she may as well have been dead. I hadn't even acknowledged the tears welling in my eyes. I felt... hollow. As if the life had been vacuumed from my body. I tried to steel my resolve, and spoke to Miranda, "C'mon, let's get you back to the Normandy. Dr. Chakwas can get you patched up in no time..." I could barely get that last sentence out. I knew she wasn't going to make it. I was desperately looking for a glimmer of hope. For once in my life, I didn't know what to do.

Garrus spoke back to me, "Shepard... it pains me to say this, but look at her. I'm no doctor, but those injuries are grievous. I'd give her about 10 more minutes before she stops breathing. The shuttle won't reach us in time." I replied to him, grasping at straws, "Don't say that Garrus. We can get her out of here." Garrus spoke again, "Shepard, she isn't going to last, I'm sorry. Liara, let's give Shepard a moment." Before he and Liara could walk away, I turned to Liara and said, "Liara... you're a doctor, anything you can do? Please..." She replied to me, said things I didn't want to hear, "I'm not that type of doctor, Shepard. I'm an archaeologist. There's nothing I can do for her. For what it counts, I am truly sorry. I cannot begin to imagine what this must be like for you. Seeing the person you love most in your arms. Not in passion, but in pain." She hung her head and walked away with Garrus. I was somewhat thankful for the privacy. I struggled to keep from flat-out bursting into tears. I placed my hands on her cheeks. They were warm, but fading. Her face was still angelic, even in this state.

Gently, I press my forehead against hers, and I speak, "Miranda... You know I love you, so much. I'm sorry I couldn't get here faster. I could have stopped this. I wasn't good enough. It was foolish to come here, for both of us. I knew they wouldn't go easy on you, especially if they found out that you were involved with me. There's nothing I can do or say to make this any easier, but just know... I love you Miranda, and I'm sorry. For everything."

As I raise my arm, I look down at it. In my hand, I see the word "Phalanx" emblazoned in blue letters, along with the designation M5. Tears were readily flowing from my eyes at this point, and it was hard to breathe. I wondered whether or not I could really go through with this. Was there really no other way? It was at this point that I understood... there is no God. No kind, loving being could really allow this to happen. I look back at Miranda, her eyes were closing, and her breathing was slowing down and growing ever more faint. She was still alive though. Still in pain. Still suffering. I had to end it. I couldn't bring it to myself to let her continue in this state. As I raise my arm, Phalanx in hand, memories race through my mind. I was on the operating table, Miranda was talking to Wilson... then I'm on the Normandy, Miranda is telling me about her sister... I'm in the Normandy's engine room, and I see Miranda standing in front of the drive core, nervous. I recall every moment we spent together, in perfect clarity. At least I'll still have those to hold on to.

I bring the Phalanx to her head, and my breath draws ever deeper. As I press the barrel to her temple, I contemplate whether or not I should turn it on myself. "No..." I say, "I need to go on. To stop Harbinger, to stop the Reapers." As my finger slides onto the trigger, every muscle in my hand seizes up. I couldn't do it. My breathing speeds up, hyperventilating now. My chest tenses up, and everything feels cold. I say to her, hoping she heard me, "Miranda... Please forgive me." and I pull the trigger. For a moment, time came to a stop. It felt like I had died. I probably should have. Miranda was all I had. I was never close to my family. The only people I had considered friends died on Akuze. Now... The woman I had been in love with for the past year was dead, by my hand. It must be my day, huh?


	4. Chapter 4

I remained knelt next to Miranda. I couldn't look at her, at what I had been forced to do. I was still in shock. Before I had… before I had euthanized Miranda, I made her a promise. I will find the man that had tortured her, had made her suffer, and had forced me to take her life. Kai Leng... that was his name. I vowed to erase him from existence.

On the shuttle trip back to the ship, all was silent, for a while. "Do you want to talk about what had happened?" asked Liara.

"What do you want me to say? That I slaughtered a legion of Cerberus troops, only to be forced to kill the woman I loved?" It had come out more hate filled than I had meant it.

"Don't blame yourself, Shepard. There was nothing you could have done. Kai Leng killed Miranda, not you. She had been dead long before we had arrived."

"Liara, if I don't blame myself, then who will? It's my fault she's dead. I could have been faster. I could have infiltrated the compound while you and Garrus held them off. I should have been faster."

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Garrus and Liara both had somber looks on their faces.

Back onboard the Normandy, we were met by Ashley. "Welcome back Skipper. How was Miranda? Is the cheerleader and her sister safe?"

I just shot Ashley a foul look and walked away. I heard Liara and Ashley talking, but I couldn't make out the words. I didn't care. I went up to my cabin and took off my combat armor, then tossed on a t-shirt. I sat down at the foot of my bed, my head in my hands. I don't know how long I was there, but eventually Ashley walked in.

"Hey, Skipper…" she had began to ask. "What do you want?" I asked in anger, cutting her off. I never really liked Ashley. She called me a traitor back when we saved Horizon from the Collectors. She had abandoned me after that. She was just another of the millions of people that didn't trust me.

She began again, "Shepard I… I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier, for everything I had said. Liara had told me about what went down at Sanctuary, what had happened to Miranda."

"Why in the hell do you care? You always hated her."

"True, I wasn't all that fond of her, but I never hated her, I just didn't trust her. After hearing about everything she did though... You really loved her, didn't you?"

I suddenly felt a swelling in my chest. It was bittersweet. "Yeah… I really did. She meant everything to me. You might have liked her to, given the chance to know her."

"Tell me… Why were you so fond of her? No offense intended, but she always came off as a… a bitch. Knowing you and how you… well, how you are, I just never thought you and her would be together. I was just curious as to what you saw in her."

I chuckled at the notion, oddly. "Heh… When I first gained consciousness on that operating table last year… she was the first thing I saw. I looked at her face, into her eyes, and I knew from that moment that this was the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Truth be told, while she was incredibly attractive, I did not like her personality or the way she operated at first, a bit too ruthless for my taste. As we went on missions together, I began to understand her thought process, why and how she did what she did. When she first asked me to help rescue her sister, I immediately took the opportunity. I wanted to help her, and I wanted to prove to her that I cared for her. Much to my surprise, she expressed interest in me first. I tried to keep my composition steady. She was always so professional, but she opened up to me pretty quickly. It only reaffirmed my earlier feelings for her. Along with her combat prowess, she also knew how to handle herself in a boardroom."

Ashley's expression changed. She seemed more… sympathetic and understanding now. She had tears forming at the base of her eyes. "Shepard… she sounded like a very skilled woman. Tell me more about her."

"What else can I say? She was perfect. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, and to-the-point. I remember how she always told me that she didn't have a sense of humor. She was pretty funny, even if the humor was unintentional. She had the most beautiful smile. She was difficult to impress, which I actually found very attractive. I knew I would have to work for her. I remember… the first time she spoke with her sister. It was the first time I had seen her look… happy. The first time I had seen her smile. I knew, at that time, that I had done something right. Not only had I helped her save her sister from her tyrannical father, but I also cracked Miranda's icy shell. I had become one of the few people she had implicitly trusted, and that meant something."

Ashley had tears streaking her face. "You're right Shepard, she does sound like someone I would like to know. I'm sorry, again, for everything I said about her. I truly had no idea she was like that. She sounded like a magnificent woman. You were good to her, Shepard. You two made a good choice in each other. The galaxy is a lesser place for her loss, and you have my condolences. If there's every anything I can do, anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. For curiosity's sake, do you know who tortured her?"

"Yeah… I do. Kai Leng. That slimy Cerberus bastard. I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. It won't be quick and painless. He will linger. He's going to wish he had never crossed me, and he will learn that people who mess with me or my loved ones don't have a high life expectancy."

"Shepard… I know how you feel, but are you sure you want to do _that_? What if you turn into the same heartless monster that Leng is now?"

"That's a risk I'm more than willing to take. I made a promise to Miranda that I would find the son of a bitch, and I will end him. If I must sacrifice a bit of my humanity to avenge her, then it will have been worth it. Nothing will stop me. _Nobody _will stop me."

We both stood up, and Ashley put her arms around me, and hugged me. Even though I wasn't particularly fond of her, it felt nice being in the arms of someone who wasn't trying to blow your head off. She left, and I was alone again. The one time in my life I get close to someone, and it's snatched away from me.

"Everything seems to be going good, doesn't it?" I thought to myself. It was bitter.


	5. Chapter 5

Cronos station. That was the name of Cerberus' headquarters. Kai Leng, and the Illusive Man, would be here. They were both going to pay for what they had done, for what they had forced me to do. EDI had insisted to come with me. I had also brought along Garrus.

Almost immediately upon exiting the shuttle, we were met with resistance. Stock Assault troopers, a handful of Centurions, and a Nemesis here and there, from what I could tell. It was a surprisingly easy fight, what with EDI, Garrus, and myself being able to overload the Centurion's and Nemeses' kinetic barriers. After taking those out, it was as simple as a quick incineration or a Warp to eliminate them for good. The Assault troopers were easy pickings, and my Mattock was thirsty for blood.

As we begin to continue further into the base, I hear a sound. A sort of metallic wheezing. An Assault trooper was still alive, struggling for breath. I walk over to him, pick him up, and shove him to the wall. "How far is it from here to the central chamber?" I ask in ferocity. I was met with silence.

"Don't make me ask again, if you value your life."

Garrus chimed in after that, "I would listen to him if I were you. People who get on his bad side have a tendency of dying, just look at your friends here."

After a few seconds, the trooper responded, coughing intermittently, "You... you won't make it. I won't tell you anything. Even as we speak, our forces are rallying further in to stop you."

With that, I draw the combat knife I noticed the trooper had in a sheath and impale it into his throat, pinning him to the wall, a reminder to the people who don't comply.

Garrus spoke once more, "Damn Shepard... that was brutal, even for my tastes. Are you sure you're ok?"

"No, Garrus, I'm not. Don't worry about me. Focus on the mission. We need to retrieve that VI."

EDI followed on what Garrus had said. "Shepard, your body language indicates great distress, may I ask what has happened? You have never acted in such a coldhearted fashion before."

"EDI, I think it's best we drop it now.", said Garrus.

Ever deeper into the base we went. Eventually, we came to a room consisting of scaffoldings. These scaffoldings surrounded something I thought I would never see again. The humanoid proto-Reaper I had destroyed - I thought I had destroyed - on the Collector Base. I remember the encounter as if it were yesterday. Miranda was at my side. I forced the memory from my mind, and continued onward. We were soon beset by more hostile forces. Assault troopers, Centurions... the usual. This time, they were supported by Phantoms, nasty human women that wield katanas, a Carnifex hand-cannon, and can absorb biotic attacks with a palm device. This fight would be a little trickier.

Luckily, EDI and Garrus were both equipped with fully automatic firearms, and could wear down their biotic barriers. After that, they were child's play. After the confrontation, I scan the area, making sure everything was really dead this time. Shortly after, we make it to the central chamber, the Illusive Man's office. As Garrus and EDI gaze out the enormous window into the star that the office overlooks, I hear a familiar voice.

"Shepard, you're in _my_ chair." It was the Illusive Man. Rather, a hologram of him.

"This chair's about the only damn thing you have left. Cerberus is finished."

"On the contrary, we have achieved everything I have ever imagined. Almost everything..."

"Yeah, we all saw what you accomplished on Sanctuary, but it's not the same as controlling a Reaper."

"A significant hurdle, but thanks to the Prothean VI, I have what I need to make it a reality."

"The Catalyst..."

"Yes."

"Even with Cerberus in ruins, you still think you can do this your way."

"I'd expect you to say that, you never truly believed in us. Cerberus isn't just an organization, or the people behind it. Cerberus... is an idea. That idea is not so easily destroyed. Besides, I've already acquired what you're looking for."

"EDI, get me Hackett-"

As EDI walked towards the communications console, it shorted and went dark. I turn around, and I see a hated face. Kai Leng. He had overloaded the console.

He began to speak, "Not so fast."

"You..."

"He did warn you not to over stay your welcome."

He advanced towards us and slammed his fist into the ground, blowing a number of tiles off. He would be one tough bastard to bring down. I fired shots, but he dodged them. I attempted to overload his kinetic barriers, but he just recharged them from the electrical circuits beneath the floor panels. Through sheer attrition, he went down, fallen onto his stomach.

I sat back down at the Illusive Man's computer. I hear shuffling behind me. I knew Leng had gotten back up. It drew closer and closer, eventually settling mere feet away from me. I could hear a grunt, and at that, I got up, thrust my arm to the side, and shattered Leng's katana. In his weakened state, the force of the impact made him stumble. I used this time to forge an omni-blade. I brought it up, and drove it deep into his gut. Kai Leng had fallen to the ground. I had made especially sure to miss his vital organs. I needed him alive.

I hit my comm piece and spoke to Cortez, "Steve, we need an extraction. I may be a little while though, seeing what I can dig out of this computer. EDI, Garrus, head back to the hangar bay and wait for me."

They both nodded and left.


End file.
